About a year ago I started to write an article that was promised to be published by a progressive Christian magazine.
So here is one of my first articles accepted by a publisher. It is a thought about Foster Youth and how that mixes with Spirituality.
I didn’t realize that when I walked across the stage to receive my bachelor's degree I was achieving something that only 2% of my peer group accomplishes. I am a product of foster care. I moved homes, grew up with various families and even experienced being homeless for a brief period of time. I don’t really fit the mold. When looking at me, you could never tell the experiences I’ve come through. You’d never know if I had not just told you. While nearly 70% of students from the general population attend college, only 17% of traditionally aged students (those students from ages 18-24) from foster care enroll in college. According to a study by Casey Family Programs, of the 17% who enroll, only 2% actually graduate.
Growing up in foster care is something that is hard to explain, describe, or even fully understand for those who have never experienced it. For instance, many of us from foster care hear words like mother and father and might not have the typical feelings of comfort and stability. Instead, we feel the hurt and pain that accompanies abandonment or the loss of something that you’re supposed to have, but don’t know what it is like to have. We stand on the edge of society; the group that few talk about and even fewer really know. Our experiences about how we got here are far different, but there are certain struggles we all share.
In general, young adult college students face many transitional issues in general, but there are groups like those from foster care who face an abnormal amount of issues. There are many students who carry the emotional scars accrued from an upbringing that has told them “they cannot”. These students must not only face those scars, but also learn to navigate a collegiate system that wasn’t built for them. As students face these issues head on - as I faced these issues head on - we all develop something that we can pass along to others. As we grow from our experiences, we can help others with a unique perspective about how to overcome their own struggles. We can offer lessons in resilience.
Building Resilience
Brittany is currently in her first year of a master’s degree program in Colorado and is a foster care alumnus. She happens to be in the same master’s program that I graduated from a year ago. Brittany and I have had several email conversations back and forth discussing life and helping others through working with students from foster care. Brittany points out that resilience is the ability to bounce back and change the negative patterns you experienced as a child. Dr. Oscar Felix, the executive director of the Access Center at Colorado State University, compliments her statement by saying “Resilience is the persistence to reach goals and to gain a wider perspective on situations.”
Brittany, myself and those from similar backgrounds have to constantly reverse the negative foundations on which we built our thought process. We have to relearn how to differentiate between the “feelings” from our past experiences and the actual truth. Our past experiences do not dictate who we are and what we can be or do, but often as products of foster care, we believe and feel that our past does just that.
Resilience is developed over time through building successes. From the perspective of someone who has come out of a foster care background, it takes a willingness to learn and accept help. Often times growing up in less than favorable environments create an unhealthy sense of independence. Dr. Felix points out that this may cause some students to not seek help or ignore support systems set up for at-risk populations, foster care alumni being one of those populations. Those of us from these backgrounds need to lay down some of that independence and ask for help. We need to be willing to face the scars of our past and rebuild our foundations on something positive, healthy, real and true. This takes time and is scary.
Where Does God Fit?
All of us carry scars and have a need for resilience. Although you may not understand all the issues others face, sometimes just being a friend can be the most healing balm that exists. As friends and mentors we can encourage people to seek the appropriate help necessary for success and, in essence, be the healing hand of God.
The Bible is full of healing words and gentle encouragements. It seems many times we as Christians are quick to state what someone “should” be doing, we fail to realize that our preconceived notions are not problem solvers or words of healing. Young adults from traumatic backgrounds understand the harshness of the world and need to see the love and care that exists in humanity.
One time I was at a church with a young man who had been placed in foster care. A well-intentioned man at the church told him that what he really needed was a father figure in his life. The older man said that, but was not willing to commit to the action. These were empty words. God calls us to be the healers in a broken world. Being a healer means taking the time to get to know someone, showing them that they are worth the time and helping them live to their full potential.
Those of us who come from these types of backgrounds are hard on ourselves. We do not need to be told what we are doing wrong. We have grown up believing that we were born wrong. We need love from friends and family, the care that exists in community, and people to stand with us so that we can see what a right, just, and caring world looks like. This happens through the time it takes to build genuine connections. It pushes through the pain to the heart of someone who longs to accomplish a worthwhile life that can only exist in a continually healing soul.
So here is one of my first articles accepted by a publisher. It is a thought about Foster Youth and how that mixes with Spirituality.
I didn’t realize that when I walked across the stage to receive my bachelor's degree I was achieving something that only 2% of my peer group accomplishes. I am a product of foster care. I moved homes, grew up with various families and even experienced being homeless for a brief period of time. I don’t really fit the mold. When looking at me, you could never tell the experiences I’ve come through. You’d never know if I had not just told you. While nearly 70% of students from the general population attend college, only 17% of traditionally aged students (those students from ages 18-24) from foster care enroll in college. According to a study by Casey Family Programs, of the 17% who enroll, only 2% actually graduate.
Growing up in foster care is something that is hard to explain, describe, or even fully understand for those who have never experienced it. For instance, many of us from foster care hear words like mother and father and might not have the typical feelings of comfort and stability. Instead, we feel the hurt and pain that accompanies abandonment or the loss of something that you’re supposed to have, but don’t know what it is like to have. We stand on the edge of society; the group that few talk about and even fewer really know. Our experiences about how we got here are far different, but there are certain struggles we all share.
In general, young adult college students face many transitional issues in general, but there are groups like those from foster care who face an abnormal amount of issues. There are many students who carry the emotional scars accrued from an upbringing that has told them “they cannot”. These students must not only face those scars, but also learn to navigate a collegiate system that wasn’t built for them. As students face these issues head on - as I faced these issues head on - we all develop something that we can pass along to others. As we grow from our experiences, we can help others with a unique perspective about how to overcome their own struggles. We can offer lessons in resilience.
Building Resilience
Brittany is currently in her first year of a master’s degree program in Colorado and is a foster care alumnus. She happens to be in the same master’s program that I graduated from a year ago. Brittany and I have had several email conversations back and forth discussing life and helping others through working with students from foster care. Brittany points out that resilience is the ability to bounce back and change the negative patterns you experienced as a child. Dr. Oscar Felix, the executive director of the Access Center at Colorado State University, compliments her statement by saying “Resilience is the persistence to reach goals and to gain a wider perspective on situations.”
Brittany, myself and those from similar backgrounds have to constantly reverse the negative foundations on which we built our thought process. We have to relearn how to differentiate between the “feelings” from our past experiences and the actual truth. Our past experiences do not dictate who we are and what we can be or do, but often as products of foster care, we believe and feel that our past does just that.
Resilience is developed over time through building successes. From the perspective of someone who has come out of a foster care background, it takes a willingness to learn and accept help. Often times growing up in less than favorable environments create an unhealthy sense of independence. Dr. Felix points out that this may cause some students to not seek help or ignore support systems set up for at-risk populations, foster care alumni being one of those populations. Those of us from these backgrounds need to lay down some of that independence and ask for help. We need to be willing to face the scars of our past and rebuild our foundations on something positive, healthy, real and true. This takes time and is scary.
Where Does God Fit?
All of us carry scars and have a need for resilience. Although you may not understand all the issues others face, sometimes just being a friend can be the most healing balm that exists. As friends and mentors we can encourage people to seek the appropriate help necessary for success and, in essence, be the healing hand of God.
The Bible is full of healing words and gentle encouragements. It seems many times we as Christians are quick to state what someone “should” be doing, we fail to realize that our preconceived notions are not problem solvers or words of healing. Young adults from traumatic backgrounds understand the harshness of the world and need to see the love and care that exists in humanity.
One time I was at a church with a young man who had been placed in foster care. A well-intentioned man at the church told him that what he really needed was a father figure in his life. The older man said that, but was not willing to commit to the action. These were empty words. God calls us to be the healers in a broken world. Being a healer means taking the time to get to know someone, showing them that they are worth the time and helping them live to their full potential.
Those of us who come from these types of backgrounds are hard on ourselves. We do not need to be told what we are doing wrong. We have grown up believing that we were born wrong. We need love from friends and family, the care that exists in community, and people to stand with us so that we can see what a right, just, and caring world looks like. This happens through the time it takes to build genuine connections. It pushes through the pain to the heart of someone who longs to accomplish a worthwhile life that can only exist in a continually healing soul.
